I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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