So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
