if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
