yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
