what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
