Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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