Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
