I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
