i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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