omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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