Buhtt sex?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
