I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
