he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
