she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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