So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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