does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
