Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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