Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
