im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
