I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize