You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
