i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
