she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
