never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
