I wish I could teleport
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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