Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
