I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
