Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
