Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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