My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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