she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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