Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
