I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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