party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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