shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
vagina is talking i cant
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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