You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
