Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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