Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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