I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
