I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
