fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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