i used baking grease as lip gloss
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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