So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
