Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize