Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I touched a dick in church today
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