You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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