Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
