I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just found puke in my bra..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
