my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
