I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
