I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
