Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
