There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
