please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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