and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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