do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
All the doctor said was why
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize