I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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