some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
