I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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