Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
