Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
